Yoda, half tonne sprout
by Brokenkey
Summary: well some people eat loads when they're depressed...please R&R Final Chap up
1. Depressed

**Disclaimer: I don't own star wars or any of its characters, I wouldn't mind though**

Yoda The Half-Tonne Sprout

Yoda's sadness grew as he landed on Dahgobah (dunno how it's spelt) he felt very angsty about the fall of the jedi.

"Need something to take my mind of this, I do." he mused.

"Changed, this place have, since away, I have been." Yoda pondered looking around.

Then he saw it...his heaven...it was... A DONUT STORE!

"Check this out, I must." And in to the store, Yoda walked... I mean Yoda walked into the store.

He stared around in awe, cream, jam, caramel, choclate, vanilla and the list went on. Yoda smiled...

"Dig in, I will."

**3 hours later...**

Yoda emerged from the store, weighing 42 pounds more and an extra 100 pounds in donuts that he was carrying.

"Nummy... I mean delicious this is...eat more, I must." He stated a solemnly as possible with all the grace of an obese jedi master.

So Yoda went and sprouted into the ground...I mean waited in his hut for Luke Skywalker with his donuts...wait he had many adventures of fatness while waiting for Luke...

**3 days later...**

Yoda was making extentions to his house...in other words he couldn't fit properly through the door and was smashing bits off the wall every time he went out for more donuts.

A/N: ok I know this was really short but it was meant to be, please R&R


	2. I sense a disturbance

OMG OMG OMG….reviews  lol sorry 'bout that…anyway…

**Disclaimer: I hereby proclaim that I do not own Star Wars or any of its characters**

Back to…Yoda half-tonne sprout

"BUUUUUUURRRRRPPP"

Ben Kenobi jumped and bashed his head on the low ceiling of his cave…hut…THINGY whatever.

"Strange…I sense a disturbance in the force, I'd best check up on Luke"

So Ben using his l33t ninj4 forc3 5kilzz headed over to Beru and Owen's at top speed

"May I speak with Luke?" Ben remembering Owen's temper was cautious to ask.

"NO & off you old fogey!" Owen slammed the door in Ben's face.

"Well that went well…" Ben felt his anger rising when…Qui-Gon's spirit popped up to say "Dark side points." Before popping off again.

Luke at the time being 12 ran outside, ran around Ben in a circle and then ran back inside….yay for young adolescents…

"Hmm…he seems fine…I wonder what the disturbance can be…"

**Meanwhile on Degobah…**

The camera zooms in on what appears to be a wrinkled, old, round, small, green tree… so not all that tree-like then… in actuality it is…YODA!

"Hmm… a good burp that was…cleared all of the furniture out of my house it did"

Yoda then proceeded to waddle to the doughnut store again as he was running out of doughnuts…god forbid!

There was now a pathway through trees for Yoda to get to the doughnut store easier…funnily enough it was also created by Yoda.

"D'oh!" Yoda exclaimed as he finally noticed the destruction…but the craving for doughnuts was too great for him to stop.

"Hmm have doughnuts I must…my precious they are…yes my precious"

As you can tell the doughnuts already had a strong hold on him at an early stage.

Still…at least Yoda's force powers had increased, since he needed them now to bring more doughnuts to him…well help out here I'm trying to salvage something from-

"BUUUUUUURRRRRRRRPPPPPPP!"

Sigh…**Meanwhile again…hmmm I wonder how many times I can do that before it gets annoying….anyway back with Ben**

"Sigh…another disturbance, I hope Yoda will be able to train Luke when he is ready…or we jedi may perish from the face of the galaxy…forever…"

A/N: The voices inside your head are telling you to kill people….no wait…I mean to push the purple button which says review.

**Disclaimer: Neither do I own any lord of the rings quotes**


	3. Billionaire donuts?

OMG OMG OMG an update...ahem sorry 'bout that

**Disclaimer: Don't own Star Wars or any of its characters George Lucas does... Or does he?????**

On his way to the donut store, Yoda sensed something unusual, something different from his now daily trip, could it be that towering building where that lowly donut store had once resided...nah.

"Hmm, investigate this building I must if donuts I am to get." Yoda proclaimed wisely...not that he ever does anything else.

Being unable to fit through the door Yoda used his legendary force powers to call one of the people out of the building to him.

"The donut store where is it, know this I must!" Yoda spat out, spraying the poor man with donut crumbs and force knows what else.

"Er... well er...well...er," the man (Jimbobby he shall be known as for know) was far to nervous to answer.

"Tell me you must or...sit on you I will!"

After hearing this the man gave a girly scream and fainted, Yoda sighed this wasn't his day...or week...or month even. Just then a woman walked out and greeted him.

"Well Mr. Yoda since you started buying donuts we've been able to create a multi-billionaire company and it's all thanks to you, here's a thousand donuts...that should last you a day...right...maybe...possibly..." she trailed off.

"Thank you, most generous you are and go home I must now to eat these donuts," Yoda thanked the successfull businesswoman and rolled off towards his hut, flattening plants, trees and creatures as he went.

"MMM good these donuts are," Yoda exclaimed, spraying the narrator with crumbs...sigh

As Yoda sat in what remained of his hut alone he began to reminisce about a story his great great great great great grandfather told him...or was it his great great great great great great great grandfather...you never knew there were so many because of the age these erm...people got to.

It was a story about...That's all for now folks next chapter coming much more quickly this time...I promise.

Review if you want...it may ease my pain sob


	4. Feel the fat

**Disclaimer: sraW ratS nwo t'nod I**

Read that if ya can

_As the story was left off last time Yoda was about to recall his story about his great6 grandfather..._

It was a noisy day on Dagobah, squbirds were singing, docats were...um meoking? There was excitement in the air untill he lost his concentration and landed on the ground with an aesthetically pleasing THWUMP. (Yes...The Grandpaapy6 of Yoda is named excitement...so what, it's my story not youtrs so go eat pie or something if you don't like it)

"Owwww..." he moaned

A giggle was heard and Excite (His nickname) leapt into the air and bashed his head on a Squbird that was flying by and came down to earth again. Suddenly...THE SUN DISSAPEARED...no wait it was just Excite's incredibly fat girlfriend, Eclare.

"Need to concentrate more, you do." she managed to splurt out through the giggles.

"Need to cut down on the Eclairs, you do!" was the retort that was mumbled through the mouthful of squbird...'poor thing' you might be saying, well just remember it doesn't exist...plus it ate your PIE...ahem moving on.

SLAP! Excite was sent flying into space as Eclare hit him with a flabby hand..heh flabby.

**Meanwhile...**

The Jedi were all being very conferency in their jedi conferece place in the conferencely chairs with the conferecately equipment on Nar Shadaa...conference! (which was were it existed 7000 years ago...and you can't prove other wise so nyah:P)

It was just general talk about the Universe, the order of the Galaxy, what was for Dinner that night and other stuff like that.

All of a sudden Excite crashed into the conference room, landing right in the head chair of the Jedi (the previous owner having just gone insane and was still on the loose after eating the way out of her straight jacketand fleeing to the hills.)

"I say!" Exclaimed the human members of the Jedi conference, the others making similar noises...except for one of the jedi who happened to be asleep or dead...either is good.

Excite noticeing how all the other jedi were completely and utterly useless told them he was taking over, oddly enough everyone agreed to this showing how lazy and useless they really were.

"Whip you into shape, I must." Excite proclaimed sounding wise.

The Jedi seemed quite happy with that...but not when he gave them 500 press-ups to do as they were all fat and lazy...like most teachers. (No offense meant to any teachers :P)

**Meanwhile, back with Eclare...**

The Eclair shop was in flames...Eclare having destroyed because of her boyfriends hatred of all things fat...shortly afterwards she flew off in her Eclare-shaped space-ship to find Excite. (Was that a spellin mistake...or was it not, I leave ye with this riddle.)

Unknown to anyone a patch of shadow from the burning Eclair shop was forming into material substance...it was... A PIE, with legs and it ran off into the distance no doubt plotting its next victim.

_**Back to the present**_

Yoda, having done reminiscing realized he had lost his lightsaber squealed like a piggy, then rolled of to look for it.

Unfortunately he didn't look inside his mounds of fat, he may have found it faster.

Please Review...the Gnomes will beat me if I don't get enough reviews.


	5. Final chapter

**Final means final disclaimer...whatever**

Luke was closing in...Yoda could sense him, but also another presence...

In this story Leia had come with Luke, why, you may ask?

Well because it makes no sense I must reply.

After crashing into the planet Luke and Leia set off lukeing for Yoda (AAGH bad joke...killing me... dying...dying...dead and the work of the gnomes is finally over)

Yoda...who was now finally weighing half a tonne revealed himself to be Yoda...and not a mountain as Luke and Leia had first thought.

"Hmmm...here you finally are, but train you I cannot for having a heart attack I am." and thats how Yoda died.

After several seconds Luke and Leia screamed and ran in cirlces untill they ran into each other and passed out.

Upon waking up Yoda's ghost appeared along with the rest of The Jedi Counciltm who could all sit happily on Yoda's tubbiness.

"Dead we may be...but train you we can...but wake up you must...wake up...wake up...waaaaaake uuuuuup..."

Luke awoke screaming and turned over to the figure in his bed next to him

"Farmboy what's wrong now?" Mara Jade exasperated.

"Nothing dear, just a really bad dream of something that never happened" Luke replied.

THE END TRA LALA LALA LALA LALA LAAAAAAAAA

OR IS IT? DUN DUN DUN

In the distance faint evil laughter...of a donut is heard...ready for its next victim, but who and what will that be?

Yep thats the end of this really crappy fanfic...hope someones enjoyed and now I'm off get my tea...cheerio, oh and by the way please review.


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